Growing where I'm planted

I had one of those days where I woke up and looked around and had no idea what the heck I was doing with my life. Everything I owned seem foreign and unlike me. I felt purposeless and out of place.
Some of this had to to with the fact that I didn't work today. I usually get these feelings when I don't have anything planned for the day. I'm so used to being busy and having my days jam packed, that when they're not like that I tend to get restless. And not just restless for the day... restless about my life in general. It also had to do with the fact that my graduating class had their commencement ceremony today. And though I graduated in December, I had the option of 'walking' with the June graduates. I chose not to. At the time I figured I'd want to be as far away as possible from SOU, college, and it's responsibilities in general. But knowing that my peers were celebrating the next step in their life today, and I was just celebrating the fact that it was Saturday felt... weird. I had celebrated already in December, my wonderful sister threw me a dinner/get together and took me to New York. She's awesome like that. :) But today that felt like so long ago. And today I woke up realizing these things about myself:

- As much as I love my house, it's tiny. And when it gets even remotely cluttered, I get stressed at the lack of space.

- I love my job, and I'm blessed to work where I do and with the girls I work with. But it is no way related to my desired Public Health/ Social Work field.

- I'm not a mother. Probably won't be for a while. Possibly can't be one ever.

- I haven't spent a good amount of time being a WIFE. Doing the things I believe a wife should do.

So, I did what any person with a few hours to kill and internet access would do. I started to browse. I browsed job ads in Medford, Seattle, and in Portland. I pretended for a few minutes that it was feasible to get up and move somewhere else. Somewhere with better job opportunities. Somewhere with a bigger house. Somewhere where I don't have to watch every person I know get pregnant before me, simply because I wouldn't know anyone in a new town.
And then I laughed, because I could never get Ryan to leave. He loves his band, he has a good job, and he's happy in Medford. And I realized, I am to. I didn't need a change of scenery, I needed a change of attitude. And while I cannot, at this moment, change all of the issues on my 'list' I CAN change the bit about being a better wife. I SHOULD change that part.

So I had a very 'wifely' day. I went to Farmers Market and bought some fresh veggies for dinner and  the most amazing strawberries I've ever eaten. I went to Freddy's and bought ground buffalo and decided to make buffalo burgers for dinner. I bought myself a bouquet of sunflowers, because flowers ALWAYS make me feel better. I came home, and cleaned and prepared dinner before Ryan gets home from work. And while I was out and about doing these things something kind weird happened. People talked to me at the grocery store. Like, conversations. At the checkout. One lady asked me about what I was making with the ingredients I had bought, the man behind me starting talking about buffalo recipes, and the checker added a few comments about cooking. Something about connecting with these strangers gave me peace. I can't explain it, but something in that moment said "You're exactly where you should be." I realize this sounds cheesy, I do. But it's true. And it made me realize that I should be growing where I'm planted. I should be doing the best I can with what I've got. Because when I really get down to it. I've got alot.